January 19, 2008

Killer Bods From Outer Space

From the planet Unebula, The Glow Girls came to Earth to party and hook up with guys. Resembling our planet's female humans, each is a hot-bodied athlete unlike any babe you've ever seen. The customary attire of their home world includes hot pants and tall boots, colored neon green with orange stripes, although they occasionally shed all that in favor of bikinis. All isn't fun and games for these eye-catching extraterrestrials, as they have to keep a lookout for the mutant alien L.E.N. who desires to control them and eventually take over our world. Another interesting note is that the girls seem to feed off radioactive energy... just like Godzilla! Except for them it comes in soda cans, much easier to consume that way than busting open a nuclear reactor. They're also finding out that Earth boys are easy.

In reality, The Glow Girls are a team of twenty or so beauties who can do more than stand around and look pretty. They are currently utilized in the promotion of products, companies, and events, such as the Total Fighting Alliance. The part of their evil alien nemesis is played by Lenward L. Holness Jr., the promoter of the women. A successful business man, he lived a life of luxury. His endeavors included music, fashion, photography, and finance. He's lived in New York, Boston, Hong Kong, and now California. He grew up with Steve Tyler and Joe Perry. Then one day he grew tired of the countless business and social meetings that consumed his life. Fuck all that shit, he wanted to drive around in luxury vehicles and hang around with young scantily clad babes. And he could, because he has the influence and cash. This is his version of retirement: being single and surrounded by women. And even with this venture, it looks like King Midas is about to make gold again.

I, along with a few million others, discovered The Glow Girls on YouTube. Their video channel offered no explanation on what their purpose was, but that was far from everyone's mind because their videos featured them dancing, playing, and exercising in their tight and revealing outfits. But like all tantalizing content on YouTube, the videos and the Glow Girl channel itself was soon deleted. I guess they had to make way for such brilliant content like the nausea inducing "leave Britney alone" parodies, episodes of Naruto, and the video blog of a ditz who goes on and on about why men are such shallow cretins, and yet has a vid where she states the most important qualities of a potential boyfriend are being good looking and having a high-paying job so she doesn't have to work.

The girls came back with two new channels, but the new videos play it safe by not being as arousing as before. But I still couldn't suppress the feeling that there was more to them then dancing for three minute video clips. I looked for the girls on MySpace and the search came out positive. This led me to more information about what they were truly about, which I already described to you earlier in this blog entry. Other interesting facts about the GGs is that they have a canine mascot named Bentley, who also wears a neon green jacket. They have their own personalized "Glow Mobile", an Aptera typ-1 rugged electric hybrid with a neon green paint job. They even have a theme song by MC Funky.

The Glow Girls and L.E.N. have met California govener Arnold Schwarzenegger, the mayor of Los Angeles Antonio Villaraigosa, Chinese actress Bai Ling, reality show and MySpace celebrity Tila Tequila, and for some reason, Danny Bonaduce. But even greater than the Govenator himself, they met JON F'N LOVITZ. I'd get breasts implanted in my chest and slip on hot pants just to meet that guy!

The Glow Girls are currently exclusive to personal appearances on the west coast, but a little alien told me that they have some pretty big projects planned in the future. I can't reveal who my informant is, or L.E.N. may come for me.

And that's just the way it is.
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