January 22, 2007

The Ants Have Invaded

Originally posted May 13, 2006

Unbeknownst to you all, I bought an ant farm. Today, a day that will live on forever in infamy, the ants have arrived. This is my second attempt at caring for them, the first being when I was only a little callous. I didn't feed or water them as often as I should have, and what happens when you don't provide such things to a living creature. THEY DIE. I guess I was more careless than callous, actually. Funny now that I think of it. I was a fat little kid back then, but I couldn't spare any grub for my insect buddies. I'm one of the very few people who enjoyed Maxis's SimAnt program. I don't step on ants, and won't even crush them under my callous fist if I find one in my room. I've always been fascinated by the little buggers because of their extreme intelligence, and wonder why it took so long for me to go on down to the farm again.

I started the farm off by making three tunnels in the dirt by pushing into it with a straw. But when the ants arrived, the first thing they did was fill two of them with sand. Ungrateful bitches. It was a decision that didn't garner support by all. A few would dig into the two unwanted tunnels to deepen them, but the rest would start throwing other sand grains right down into it afterwards, oftentimes on the heads of the "rebels". Which just goes to show that even ants can be pricks. It appears their first task at hand is to clear a path directly underneath the plastic seperating the dirt from the open area.

Even worse, as one ant slept inside a tunnel marked for a landfill, the others fucking BURIED HER ALIVE. At least wake the poor little SOB and warn her. When she woke up, she had to claw her way out. If I were an ant in her situation, I would have kicked some abdomen after freeing myself. But then again, the only male ants are breeder ants and have no business working in tunnels. Just for the record, all worker ants (which is the only type my Uncle Milton will ship) are female. So I'll do my best to refer to individual ants as "her" and not "him".

To correct wrongdoings of the past, I squeezed a few droplets of water in there to quench their thirsts. Disproving how smart I thought they were, three ants would hoard themselves onto one drop. Perhaps they're social drinkers. When they do drink, they just stick their faces into the water and become immobile. Sort of like how you would just relax at the bar after a hard day's work. One wanted to pass by them, and she tried her hardest not to touch any droplets in her path. I guess she's courteous to her sisters in not wanting to taint the water supply.

Mother's Day tomorrow. Bought mine some untraditional flowers called Heathers and a card that said "You've always been like a mother to me". Well, she has.

Current Brain Age: 28

I, for one, welcome our ant overlords.
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