My Brush With Maim

A little more than a week ago, I was contacted by Chuckles The Klown, Rhode Island's resident evil clown, with an interesting proposal: He wanted me to play a part on his public access show, The Chuckles 'n Laughs Show. It sure sounded like a unique experience, so I agreed to come down and check it out. The program in question is a macabre talk show with skits, a place where Elvira would feel right at home. It is hosted by Chuckles The Klown, a deranged jester who marks every day on his calendar as Halloween, and also takes his act on the road and occasionally M.C.s at local clubs. The show's cast is comprised of his family and friends in various costumed and heavily makeupped roles.

I first met Chuckles and a pair of his co-stars at the USWF's 16th Anniversary Show on April 18th. For those that don't know, I'm the figurehead President of that promotion, and Chuckles is a longtime veteran who was making his grand return as a manager. I guess The Klown was impressed enough with my performance to consider me a potential new talent for his show. The role in question was that of the Director of the "Chuckles Asylum", the setting of the program. I would be taking over for Dr. Degraide (USWF Hall of Famer The Lariat) who was suspended from his duties due to "malpractice". I would essentially be the big boss of the hospital, coming in to rein in on Chuckles and friends' insanity.

April ends, I turn the calendar to May, and it was show time. I drive to the studio, which is filmed out of The Klown's two car garage. That meant it was a step above about 90% of public access sets which are usually recorded in living rooms with poor lighting. The interior was a sight to behold: a glimpse into the creative mind of a man who wields horror as his comedic weapon. PVC pipe prison bars enclosing the entrance. An orange crate designed to burst open for surprise entrances. Fog machines, strobe lights, and black lights. A table with several recently made papier-mâché skulls standing to dry. A dressing room full of enough costumes, props, and face paint to staff an entire hospital of psychotic patients and equally demented caretakers. Horror and sci-fi movie memorabilia, including a Jason-inspired hockey mask signed by the likes of Tom Savini, Derek Mears, and the true Jason Voorhees of Friday the 13th: Part 2, Warrington Gilette Steve Dash. Other anemnities that are staples of garages used solely for housing hobbies are a microwave, mini-fridge, and TV. There was also an amazingly sophisticated lighting and sound system, but even more amazing was that the show was recorded on a tiny digital camera.

After getting suited up in my costume, consisting of gaudy, blood stained blue-green scrubs, a ratty medical coat, and a burn-marked tie, I met some new people and hung with some I was already familiar with. Aside from the regular cast was Tombstone Tony of Tony Jones & The Cretin 3, DJ Psycho Eddie, RWA wrestler The Irish Warrior, and also my USWF co-stars Maniac Mike and John Almeida. The aforementioned crew have regular parts on the show, although Tony was just there to watch on this day.

The first series of acts featured a man from Taunton, Massachusetts who was about to turn the loony bin on its ear. Known as "The Human Floor", he was one of those guys who wouldn't protest if you were to walk all over him. In fact, he encouraged being used as a welcome mat. He warmed the crowd up by doing something that seemed pedestrian to him, but would get many of us sent to a REAL hospital: He held a cinder block on his head and then had his lovely assistants smash it to pieces with a club hammer. He then had one broken over his OTHER head, if you catch my drift. Following that, he inserted a nail into each nostril with the business end of a regular hammer and then had an unwilling "volunteer" pry them out with the claw end. Next he had four ladies stand on top of his body, including his face, and sang happy birthday to one of them. A ball crushing also occurred, which I was quite certain wasn't a part of the act. Then he really ramped up the freak factor by bringing out two beds of nails (I checked, they were legit), sandwiching himself between them, and then having people stand, sit, and jump on top of him. When he peeled himself out of this horizontal iron maiden, his body was full of pockmarks, but not a single one produced blood. Determined not to leave without making the audience grind their teeth into a fine powder, he smashed a pair of beer bottles, dumped the shards into a bucket full of thousands more of them, spread them on the ground, and proceeded to walk over them with his bare feet. The sound of broken glass grinding beneath his soles nearly made Chuckles himself pass out. He even took a trip over them carrying an audience member in his arms for added pressure. At least the worst was over... until he brought out the darts. Darts I personally witnessed him sharpening into fine points. He had some of us hurl them towards a crudely drawn target on his stomach. In yet another malfunction involving the man's crotch, a dart nearly missed giving him a Prince Albert. Yes, they stuck inside his flesh, and yes, there was an oozing blood trail. And yes, we also gave this sick bastard an ovation. What does that say about us? I should note that after certain stunts, Chuckles would summon me, "the doctor", to center stage to check on the condition of The Human Floor to the best of my ad-libbed abilities. I would dust some cinder block residue off his brow or check his eyes for whatever reason, then head back to my seat to allow the show to progress. Some miscellaneous facts about The Human floor is that he's a former wrestler, and that other routines in his torturous arsenal are being buried alive and having hundreds of dollars in cash stapled to his face and body.

As the show progressed, I started to become increasingly concerned about the fact that I still had no inkling of what I would be doing when it was my time to appear on stage; just who my character was. Though I was aware that a script existed, usually in the possession of Chuckles in the form of a red composition notebook, its contents had yet to be seen by my eyes. When The Human Floor finished his set, I was finally summoned backstage for a pep talk by The Klown. It was finally my time to shine, or so I thought. The next segment would be an interview with The Human Floor, which would start out with me walking on stage, introducing myself as the medical director, and how the usual insanity that occurs on the show would be ending under my watch. Then I would be seated on a couch with The Human Floor where both Chuckles and I would take turns lobbing questions at him like the razor sharp darts that were used earlier. Problem was that there was no preparatory time before hand, and this segment was going to be taking place immediately. The whole week prior to this day, I thought I would be working off a script, but in actuality, I would have to be working off the cuff with on-the-spot improv. The only thing I do worse than acting is improvisational acting. While Chuckles assured me the role would be similar to my USWF Presidential gig, I would normally prepare for that role by coming up with and reciting speeches in my head for weeks in advance. I suddenly had flashbacks to my uncomfortable "deer in headlight" moments that plagued my early USWF career where I appeared on camera with a general idea of what I should say, and then freezing up as those I shared the scene with would scramble to come up with something to fill the dead air and save the scene from myself. The last thing I wanted to do now was derail Chuckles' show with my improvisational ineptitude, so I backed out. I suppose I could tackle the role if I know what to expect beforehand, but at the time I surely wasn't a doctor, nor have I played one on TV. In the United States Wrestling Federation, I play a character whose job is to direct the chaos of a group of maniacs who wish to cause harm to themselves and each other, and in The Chuckles 'n Laughs Show... my God. The Klown was right.

There was an Asian theme to this particular episode, where specters from the Orient were conjured up and began haunting the asylum. There was a ghost ninja who was unsure of his nationality and the demon leads from The Grudge and The Ring. There were also visits from Eddie as a psycho sumo, and the head nurse played by Chuckles' real life wife Lacey, who was quite impressively made up to look like a Geisha. The talk show segments played out with Chuckles exchanging banter with The Irish Warrior or Maniac Mike, when one of the aforementioned guests would show up and start harassing whoever The Klown's sidekick was. Irish Warrior played his paranoid part perfectly, and I think the unfortunate nurse got run through with a sword twice. Apparently her death is a running gag in the series. The ninja and the sumo squared off, with the shinobi spirit getting easily squashed. Then there was a recurring segment called "The Ted Bundys" that parodied Married With Children, featuring a hockey masked Ted Bundy getting frustrated with his disappointing family and running them through with a butcher knife.

This day had two shows scheduled to be taped, but I had to depart at the conclusion of the first. I didn't get to appear on TV again, except for a brief second to check on the fainted Irish Warrior after he was apparently given a heart attack by The Ring girl, and maybe that was for the best. As a spectator, I watched the recording while trying to think of how I would interact with the scene if I were up there myself as mental preparation. I bid my farewells, was told the date of the next show, and how I might give it another try. There was a beautiful white hearse parked in front of the studio for a future segment, and it tore my heart to leave before I could see it implemented. Leaving a horror show before a hearse can be utilized is like leaving a birthday party before the cake is served.


Further Viewing:

The Chuckles 'n Laughs Show
YouTube
DailyMotion
FaceBook
MySpace

The Human Floor
YouTube
FaceBook
MySpace

Cross Guard

"Gannon, where u live? Wana come w me 2 that interview that guy 2moro? Its in Warwick. My number is --- --- ---- txt me or call if ur down"

I got an e-mail late last night from The Stray Cat. I don't mean an abandoned feline whose "cat like typing" accidentally sent me a coherent FaceBook message. "The Stray Cat" is the stage name of Jay Messier, a fellow Rhode Island resident who has had a lot of crazy escapades in the Ocean State, such as hosting Yellow Snow, a public access show dedicated to his misadventures revolving around teenage girls and beer, and was once the owner of the backyard wrestling club known as the United States Wrestling Federation. Pretty much everything I just mentioned in this paragraph will have Epitaphs devoted to them, but we're going to focus on the content of the e-mail.

"That guy" is a reference to Tom Helling, who we will affectionately refer to as "The Cross Guy". Mr. Cross Guy is a man who recently found God and decided to carry a large cross over his shoulder from Bangor, Maine to Mexico to spread the powerful influence of The Almighty Father. That's about 2,900 miles. Keep in mind I walked about 10 miles through Providence to make my Confirmation and ended up with blisters the size of golf balls on my soles. This guy cares more about God now than I ever did.



The Stray Cat was anticipating that this interview would be an adequate follow-up to his "Homeless Suzy" video, where he recorded a crazy woman's ramblings at the park where his friend's wedding photos were being taken. You would figure that a gentleman emulating Christ's excruciating, cross-dragging march towards his eventual crucifixion in the 21st century might yield a bizarre interview. Would Jay's public access standout, Yellow Snow, return to its glory years on the backs of Suzy Q. and The Cross Guy?

I predicted that this interview would secure Jason Messier's destiny as the phoenix rising from the recently deceased Walter Cronkite's ashes. That is, if the news anchor who was called "The Most Trusted Man In America" had a history of convincing women to flash at night clubs and turning himself into a literal pin cushion with thumbtacks while wrestling in his backyard. He labels himself as America's Savior, dedicating himself to fight the chains of oppression that political correctness brings. He does it by finding comedy in topics that might be considered taboo by most, as evidenced by the videos he's created. So when Jay got a hot tip on The Cross Guy and his whereabouts, he knew he had to conduct an interview with him that only The Stray Cat could.



It was learned that The Cross Guy was staying at a Motel 6 in Warwick, and I have no idea how Jay did it, but he contacted the motel and managed to set up an interview with Mr. Helling for the following day. It didn't seem like Tom would be moving on from his current location for a while, as he mentioned how tired his legs were and the fact that it would be raining most of the day. But we had to get there quick. The Warwick Beacon already scooped us the day before, and I'd be damned if a larger news group beat us to the punch. Thankfully, there were no news vans in the parking lot when we arrived. We entered the Motel 6 and Mr. Helling was waiting for us in the lobby, sans cross. We were to conduct the interview in the courtyard, which was under a balcony, but that didn't really matter since the rain let up. But wouldn't you know that the lawn sprinklers just happened to start up? The Cross Guy went to his room to get his namesake first, then we were ready to roll. He sat with Stray Cat on a green metal mesh bench and I held the camera to record this historic Yellow Snow feature.

I won't spend too much time in this Epitaph transcribing what will already be found in our video footage and online articles already written and soon to be written. Links to all those will be found towards the end of this entry. I'll just address some key points. Just about every question was asked by Jay, which was fine considering many of my own were similar to what he planned on asking anyway. The one inquiry I had was basically when he started his journey and how long he expected it to last. Taking into consideration how long he could stand to walk with a mobile cross over his shoulder in a single day, plus the times he would have to shack up during inclement weather, this missionary to Mexico could be at it for years. Speaking of which, The Cross Guy said his foray towards South of the Border might not even go past that border. He might either tag it with his hand or step one foot onto Mexican soil and be done with it. Hell, he might even decide to continue his great journey indefinitely.

One thing The Cat and myself marveled about was the lack of news stories about his journey. We both searched the Internet for any info about this guy we could scrape together, and there were only a scant few articles from roaming journalists lucky enough to drive past him and chase him down for an interview. Tom did not seem perplexed, as he was not seeking attention with his journey and certainly didn't advertise it. But I have a feeling that as word of Mr. Helling spreads, many interested parties may set up camp by his estimated resting points in order to chronicle his story for their region's news organizations. It's the feel good story that's sorely missing from today's newscasts.



While The Stray Cat managed to conduct a good straight-forward interview, that wasn't the original intent. We thought we might try to ask some fun questions to take the edge off the serious message behind The Cross Guy's quest. The kinds of things that serious and legitimate reporters wouldn't ask. However, we changed our minds early on as we got to know the guy and asked normal questions. Sure, it wasn't the Homeless Suzy follow-up Jay was relying on, but I decided it was good for what it was and Tom had a great message for the human race. It was more about spirituality than religion, meaning you didn't have to have a superior being in your life to make the most of it. While there were questions I wish I remembered to ask when I had the chance, I spent more time thinking about questions that I shouldn't ask on the drive over to the motel.
-Did anyone ever make remarks about the seven-foot-long wood he was packing?
-Should he stick an umbrella on top of the cross to make his walks in the rain drier?
-Wasn't it totally hilarious that a man whose last name is Helling has turned to God? I can answer that. The answer is "no".
-Did he hope to inspire other people with his actions? Inspire them to also construct large crosses and carry them around the highways and byways of America? It's fine for one guy to do it, but if there were legions of people emulating this act it would slow down traffic worse than cyclists.
-Did he consider himself a modern day Jesus, demonstrating how he would lug around a crucifix in the present day? Features of this cross are a wheel on the bottom, a padded shoulder rest, minimal supplies strapped to the bottom, and new boots on his feet. Critics have already decried that the way Mr. Helling was going about his recreation "wasn't how Jesus did it", but I most certainly believe Mr. Christ would have if he were sentenced in this day and age.

We signed The Cross Guy's cross, as those who conversed with him were invited to do, which after only eight days and 3oo miles was already speckled with as many signatures as there are verses in The Bible. I wonder if all that extra ink and lead weighed his lumber down even more? By the time he completes his trek, the thing will probably be completely black from all the John Hancocks, not to mention his shoulder and hands stained from holding the cross in humid and moist weather conditions.

When we were finished with our questioning, we still tried to sneak in a little bit of clowning around with The Cross Guy. See, Jay brought a boom box along with us in hopes that we could convince Tom to either sing karaoke to Madonna's "Like A Prayer", or to get him to do a Hulk Hogan set of poses to The Hulkster's entrance music "Real American". Jay tuned up Hogan's music and demonstrated how the former wrestling icon would play to the crowd by flexing his arms in positions not that much different than how a cross would stand. While Mr. Helling got a kick out of The Stray Cat's routine, it wasn't for him. So we bid him farewell and good luck, and even though I have no control over such things, I apologized to the Arizona native for the rash of wet weather New England had been getting lately. Godspeed, Tom "Cross Guy" Helling. You're a stronger willed man than I.

I also made a little snippet of video with Jay before departing, (in my driveway, not in front of The Cross Guy) where I told COX Communications to fuck off because they forbid us to advertise the United States Wrestling Federation's online content. I also happened to be wearing my custom made USWF logo shirt during the interview.



And that's just... the way... it is...

Our Video Interview, courtesy of Yellow Snow Productions
Cross Walk Talk Part 1
Cross Walk Talk Part 2

More Cross Walk Reading
Warwick Beacon's article
Wicked Local's article
Newburyport News' article
Vagabond Journey's article

Keep in mind that since Tom Helling practically just started his journey, there will be many more articles written in the future, so hug that Google if this story interests you. I doubt I'll be posting any more follow-ups. I've written my piece.

Superior Metroid

Metroid review
This review contains spoilers

1994's Super Nintendo treasure Super Metroid is one of the greatest gaming experiences I've ever had and one of my favorites of all time. It's also a mainstay of virtually every "best video games ever" list compiled. Whether it's placed somewhere in the top ten or even the number one spot, you'll get no argument from me. The game takes the rocky structure laid out by Metroid I and II and turns it into a smooth gameplay masterpiece. Originally touted as Metroid 3, as it was the third game made in the series at that point, Super Metroid has been bumped up to number 7 with the additions of the Metroid Prime trilogy and Metroid Prime Hunters, those games being set after the original game in the series chronology. Metroid Prime Pinball doesn't fit in anywhere, as it's merely a different platform used to tell the first Prime's story.

The first experience I had with the game was around the time it was released in '94, as a rental. My time with the Metroid franchise back then was limited to a few play sessions with a friend's copy of the original game. Needless to say, I didn't like it too much, so I wasn't sure how well I would take to number three. I guess you can judge by this review's opening sentences how things went. I would attain my own copy of Super Metroid soon after, and during the time I owned that grey game cartridge I played it to death, completing it numerous times and often starting a new game right after completing the previous one. My love affair with Super Metroid ended when I sold my Super Nintendo console and games to make way for the Nintendo 64, and it wasn't until the release of the game on the Nintendo Wii's Virtual Console service was I reunited with my old lover.

Story
When beginning a mission in Super Metroid, you are treated to a brief recap of the events of the previous (at least, previous as it was in 1994) games in the series, Metroid and Metroid II: Return of Samus. You see Samus destroy the Mother Brain during her initial quest through the planet Zebes, followed by her discovery of the Metroid hatchling deep inside planet SR388. This Metroid is the last one in existence, so Samus takes the infant to a space colony for its scientists to study. Moments after leaving the gelatinous creature in their hands, or should I say containment unit, she receives an S.O.S. from them... they're under attack! Samus quickly returns to find the space station is a state of ruin, the bodies of the scientists motionless on the floor. The Metroid larva is missing as well, and as she searches through the colony for it, she encounters her old nemesis Ridley, a purple space dragon who has the kidnapped hatchling in his grasp. Following a brief battle, Ridley flees the space colony and returns to Zebes. Samus, after evacuating the collapsing space station, follows the creature in her Starship to rescue the larva before the Space Pirates are able to clone it and begin the Metroid menace anew.

Zebes Field Guide
The planet of Zebes is comprised of seven regions with unique environments and life forms.
Crateria- The rocky surface where Samus' Starship touches down. As it is your starting point, you'll find the weakest enemies here, and quite a few weapons if you dig far enough. It also allows passage to every other area except one. Holding the all-important Bombs is the bird-like creature Torizo, who impersonates the Chozo statues strewn throughout Zebes. Keep your distance and repeatedly fire away at his chest to dispatch of your first major challenge in the game.
Brinstar- An area overgrown with vegetation where most of the platforms are made up of twisting vines and fungus, and the enemies are insect-like. You'll revisit a familiar section from the original Metroid game where old "friends" are eager to see you again. The mini-boss of this land is the thorny, large mouthed Spore Spawn who can only be attacked when he periodically opens his indestructible shell to reveal a soft core. If you're lucky you'll discover the entrance to the hideout of Kraid, a mammoth lizard who hurls spikes at you and has a severe dislike of ammunition fired down his throat.
Norfair- The deeper you go within Zebes, the hotter it gets. Welcome to Norfair, where you can hardly transverse the area without a more powerful suit and steam comes up from the ground with every step you take. Thick skinned creatures who can either spit lava or are made up of the molten rock themselves lie in wait to ambush you. Drop in unexpectedly on the magma-fleshed Crocomire and get him to cool off with a hot dip. Even further within the bowels of this carved out furnace is where Ridley waits, employing the strongest enemies in the game to protect his dwelling, including a much stronger Golden Torizo.
The Wrecked Ship- Resting in a Craterian lake is a mysterious space ship just begging for a bounty hunter to explore. It won't be an easy plunder, as you soon stumble upon the bulbous, tentacled demon known as Phantoon. As he's sapping the ship of its power, you won't be able to explore the bulk of it until you knock the ecto-plasma out of him. He hates Super Missiles, and has a little strategy that will make you reconsider using them against him. Residents of the wrecked ship include the angry souls of the craft's previous inhabitants, robots run amok, and even the environment itself with snapped wires raining sparks upon you. What's the origin behind this abandoned mother ship? That's another tale for another game...
Maridia- Strap on your Gravity Suit and dive into Zebes' underwater caverns, where various aquatic alien life forms get in your way as you progress. One such creature is the large sea snake Botwoon, who dips in and out of the holes in his chamber to take shots at you. If you can survive the quicksand and prove to be an acrobat with your Grapple Beam, you'll enter the lair of the mutant Draygon, who will pound you into the sand unless you give him a gut full of firepower. Or maybe you'll find an easier, more creative way to dispatch this green monster that just might shock the both of you.
Tourian- The high-tech hideout of the boss of the Space Pirates. You'll discover that they were able to clone the baby Metroid as you'll find several of these flying fanged jellyfish eager to drain you of life force. Enter the final chamber that houses The Mother Brain and shut down her life support system and pulverize the lumpy grey matter to halt the insidious schemes of the pirates once and for all. Although it may be a bit harder this time than it was in your first encounter many years ago.

Weapons and Upgrades
Morph Ball- The most bizarre feature of Samus' Power Suit is the ability to roll up into a perfect sphere to enable her to slip through tiny passages and lay bombs. Pretty handy in dodging enemy attacks as well. Don't try this at home.
Bomb- An infinite supply of explosives required to break through most obstacles, or at least reveal which type of item you will need to get through them. Also can be used as a weapon against slow moving enemies who wander too close, although skilled players might be able to use the knock backs from a chain of detonations to reach higher areas.
High Jump Boots- Now you can really defy gravity with this metallic footwear, which allows you to finally make it to those ledges which were just out of reach only hours before.
Speed Booster- An addition to your boots that will allow you to run at blinding speeds over quickly crumbling bridges and through certain types of rock. If you halt yourself during the peak of your run you'll begin flashing, which can enable you to somersault through weaker enemies or launch yourself like a rocket!
Grapple Beam- One of the neatest additions to your inventory. This will shoot a beam that can latch onto certain blocks and enemies and let you swing over lava beds and chasms. It can also disintegrate smaller baddies.
X-Ray Scope- An upgrade for your helmet's visor that emits a search light that can expose secrets in the terrain. Along with the map system, this item is a godsend if you wish to explore the entirety of the unpredictable world of Zebes. As useful as it is, it's only a luxury item and is unnecessary to complete the game.
Spring Ball- If you're like me and suck at the bomb climb technique, this will be your saving grace as it allows you to jump while in Morph Ball mode. You may miss this one during your first run through Zebes, but you can easily beat the game without it.
Space Jump- The sky (or ceiling) is the limit when you equip this eternal jumping device. Now you no longer have to put up with that aggravating "wall jump" crap. But don't think you need to rebound off a wall to use it, a somersault into thin air is all you need to start reaching new heights.
Screw Attack- Sonic the Hedgehog would be proud of this somersaulting buzz saw attack that lets you cut through enemies and crumbling terrain alike. Nothing can withstand the electrified slicing terror of this upgrade except Metroids and bosses.
Varia Suit- An upgrade to the stability of the Power Suit, and the one Samus is oft seen wearing in Metroid promotional materials and the Super Smash Bros. games. It reduces damage received from enemies and traps, as well as enabling her to withstand the extreme temperatures of Norfair and boiling water.
Gravity Suit- The second and last upgrade to the power of the Power Suit. Besides giving it a neat purple color, it cuts damage even more than the Varia Suit did, and more importantly, allows you move under water without being hindered by its reduced gravity. You wouldn't be able to travel very far in Maridia without it.
Charge Beam- The no-brainer addition that I wish made its debut in the Metroid series sooner. Now your beams can pack a more serious punch without having to switch to missiles to eliminate increasingly stronger enemies. And if you go into Morph Ball mode while charged up, you'll deploy five rolling bombs at once!
Spazer Beam- Three beams are better than one. This splits your shot into a trio of lasers rather than a single blast.
Ice Beam- A Metroid series regular, and the weakness of the creatures from which the games take their name. Temporarily incapacitate the bad guys and use them as a stepping stone, even in midair!
Wave Beam- They can run but they can't hide! This purple beam will shoot through surfaces to trigger switches and deal damage to out of reach enemies.
Plasma Beam- While the Wave Beam can shoot through solid surfaces, the Plasma Beam goes through enemies, causing mulitiple hits upon entry and exit. It's usually strong enough to eliminate any alien with one supercharged blast.
Hyper Beam- The "Holy Shit" beam. Destroy walls and slice through pirates like a hot chainsaw through warm butter. And you have your worst enemy to thank for it?
Energy Tank- Essential to survive the onslaught of aliens as you explore Zebes. Each adds 100 units of energy to your overall life meter. There's quite a few to find on your adventure, and you'll need most of them to withstand the punishment of vicious enemies and unforgiving bosses.
Reserve Tank- Four poorly conceived energy tanks that you can use to "reserve" life. Why not just give us four more regular energy tanks? You can either set them to refill your energy automatically when your health hits zero, or allow you to refill them manually. Why wouldn't you want it set to auto? Would anyone rather die than survive? These are sort of like futuristic versions of bottled fairies from the Legend of Zelda series.
Missile- Your regular beam not splattering alien guts fast enough? Switch over to missile attack to waste them a bit quicker. Five are required to open red doors, but you won't run out of them too quickly. Additional packs are found throughout Zebes and are the most plentiful items in the game.
Super Missile- These green tipped missiles are much stronger than the regular ones, travel faster, and are needed to open green doors. The explosion they cause is so strong that if it hits a surface, it'll cause the environment to rumble and can even knock wall and ceiling bound aliens off of their perches!
Power Bomb- These provide a blast that'll cover the area of the entire screen, battering enemies and walls alike. These are required to open up orange hatches. Unlike your regular bombs, there is a limited amount at your disposal. Don't abuse them, as there is a large time frame between when you find your first pack and subsequent ones. Oddly enough, the knock back is the same as from regular bombs. The power bombs also are the key to a couple of secret abilities unknown to many players. One is the ability to absorb the energy from power bombs and missiles to refill your energy when it gets to a certain low point. Another is to add a second unique attack to each separate beam, although none are particularly useful.

Tips
-Believe it or not, your upgraded beam is more powerful than missiles, especially on bosses. Keep in mind that you do not have to wait until the charge-up animation is at its largest before you can fire the beam in its most powerful form. You only need to hold it for about a second and a half before it's ready to go at full blast. Plus it has wider range than missiles and unlimited shots. Become a markswoman with your beam, the space bounty hunter's best friend.
-There are two false walls in Ridley's Hideout that even the X-Ray Scope won't detect.
-Unless you're hugging a strategy guide during your first play through, you'll probably only be able to unearth about 70% of the items by yourself. But worry not, for that is enough to successfully ruin the Space Pirates' plans.
-If you wish to go back through Zebes to search for remaining items after conquering the game, I advise you not to use the second save unit that sits just before the Mother Brain duel in Tourian. That is because there is a door that, upon passing through it, remains closed permanently, barring you from returning to the rest of the planet. Just use the first save unit that you find as soon as you enter Tourian, as this section isn't that long anyway.

Super Metroid is easier than Metroid and Metroid II, mostly due to a much more diverse environment and the presence of an in-game map. No longer will you get lost in similar looking corridors, making you wonder if your hand drawn map is disjointed. While you're transversing this world, you'll encounter many familiar creatures from Samus' first run through Zebes. You'll also meet the infamous Space Pirates for the first time, who have the appearance of humanoid mantises, and possess the ability to shoot plasma from their pincers. Some of them even had martial arts training. The music in the game sets the mood and helps draw you into the adventure, such as the ominous music as you march down the hall to Kraid's lair and the hellish chanting within the lava-flooded ruins of Chozo civilization that Ridley claimed for his hideout. An interesting feature is the ability to mix and match the many beams you gain to increase effects and firepower. Metroid II's Spider Ball sadly doesn't make an appearance, but it returns in Metroid Prime and magnetizes the Morph Ball so that you can climb up certain rails as opposed to any surface of the environment. Why didn't they just call it the Track Ball since its function is different? Since I'm asking questions, did anyone else have an SNES game pad with turbo capabilities and use it to help you cheat on the bomb climbing technique?

Unlike many of the great classic games in Nintendo's history, Super Metroid was only released to consumers twice: on the Super Nintendo for its debut and Nintendo Wii's Virtual Console. It never was put out for the Game Boy Advance or as an unlockable bonus within recent Metroid games. So the opportunity to relive this epic space trek is welcomed with open hands. So how did I perform when I revisited one of my most beloved gaming experiences? I completed my first mission in 5 1/2 hours with 90% inventory acquired, missing a reserve tank, a power bomb, and some missiles. I backtracked afterward and discovered much of the missing stuff within the quicksands of Maridia, as well as a well hidden item just before Kraid's hallway. I think during my first play through back in '94, I logged something like eight hours with around 70% weaponry found. After that, I purchased the official strategy book and used that to guide me on subsequent tours of Zebes, this time completing 100% with a lower time, allowing me to view the best ending. I would go on to play this game numerous other times, now able to nab all items in a bit over two hours by memory alone. It was fun each time and never got boring. Is that statement redundant? As for the reward for a perfect ending, if you thought Miss Aran looked sexy in her body-hugging Zero Suit, the outfit she's got on under her Power Suit in this game makes the newer one look conservative.

Some final lingering thoughts. As you abandon planet Zebes after the self-destruct mechanism activates, you are able to save the speed boosting Dachola and the trio of wall jumping Etecoons. But what about the helpers you meet in Maridia, like the hovering turtle, its offspring, and that tunneling droid that enabled you to get the Spring Ball? Sure they could injure you and didn't seem to be intentionally trying to aid you, but I still feel HORRIBLE about leaving them behind to get obliterated. At least I can take solace in the idea that their deaths were quick and painless, being vaporized in one twenty-fourth of a nanosecond in the megaton explosion that annihilates the planet.

There. I feel better.

And that's just the way it is.