Cross Guard

"Gannon, where u live? Wana come w me 2 that interview that guy 2moro? Its in Warwick. My number is --- --- ---- txt me or call if ur down"

I got an e-mail late last night from The Stray Cat. I don't mean an abandoned feline whose "cat like typing" accidentally sent me a coherent FaceBook message. "The Stray Cat" is the stage name of Jay Messier, a fellow Rhode Island resident who has had a lot of crazy escapades in the Ocean State, such as hosting Yellow Snow, a public access show dedicated to his misadventures revolving around teenage girls and beer, and was once the owner of the backyard wrestling club known as the United States Wrestling Federation. Pretty much everything I just mentioned in this paragraph will have Epitaphs devoted to them, but we're going to focus on the content of the e-mail.

"That guy" is a reference to Tom Helling, who we will affectionately refer to as "The Cross Guy". Mr. Cross Guy is a man who recently found God and decided to carry a large cross over his shoulder from Bangor, Maine to Mexico to spread the powerful influence of The Almighty Father. That's about 2,900 miles. Keep in mind I walked about 10 miles through Providence to make my Confirmation and ended up with blisters the size of golf balls on my soles. This guy cares more about God now than I ever did.



The Stray Cat was anticipating that this interview would be an adequate follow-up to his "Homeless Suzy" video, where he recorded a crazy woman's ramblings at the park where his friend's wedding photos were being taken. You would figure that a gentleman emulating Christ's excruciating, cross-dragging march towards his eventual crucifixion in the 21st century might yield a bizarre interview. Would Jay's public access standout, Yellow Snow, return to its glory years on the backs of Suzy Q. and The Cross Guy?

I predicted that this interview would secure Jason Messier's destiny as the phoenix rising from the recently deceased Walter Cronkite's ashes. That is, if the news anchor who was called "The Most Trusted Man In America" had a history of convincing women to flash at night clubs and turning himself into a literal pin cushion with thumbtacks while wrestling in his backyard. He labels himself as America's Savior, dedicating himself to fight the chains of oppression that political correctness brings. He does it by finding comedy in topics that might be considered taboo by most, as evidenced by the videos he's created. So when Jay got a hot tip on The Cross Guy and his whereabouts, he knew he had to conduct an interview with him that only The Stray Cat could.



It was learned that The Cross Guy was staying at a Motel 6 in Warwick, and I have no idea how Jay did it, but he contacted the motel and managed to set up an interview with Mr. Helling for the following day. It didn't seem like Tom would be moving on from his current location for a while, as he mentioned how tired his legs were and the fact that it would be raining most of the day. But we had to get there quick. The Warwick Beacon already scooped us the day before, and I'd be damned if a larger news group beat us to the punch. Thankfully, there were no news vans in the parking lot when we arrived. We entered the Motel 6 and Mr. Helling was waiting for us in the lobby, sans cross. We were to conduct the interview in the courtyard, which was under a balcony, but that didn't really matter since the rain let up. But wouldn't you know that the lawn sprinklers just happened to start up? The Cross Guy went to his room to get his namesake first, then we were ready to roll. He sat with Stray Cat on a green metal mesh bench and I held the camera to record this historic Yellow Snow feature.

I won't spend too much time in this Epitaph transcribing what will already be found in our video footage and online articles already written and soon to be written. Links to all those will be found towards the end of this entry. I'll just address some key points. Just about every question was asked by Jay, which was fine considering many of my own were similar to what he planned on asking anyway. The one inquiry I had was basically when he started his journey and how long he expected it to last. Taking into consideration how long he could stand to walk with a mobile cross over his shoulder in a single day, plus the times he would have to shack up during inclement weather, this missionary to Mexico could be at it for years. Speaking of which, The Cross Guy said his foray towards South of the Border might not even go past that border. He might either tag it with his hand or step one foot onto Mexican soil and be done with it. Hell, he might even decide to continue his great journey indefinitely.

One thing The Cat and myself marveled about was the lack of news stories about his journey. We both searched the Internet for any info about this guy we could scrape together, and there were only a scant few articles from roaming journalists lucky enough to drive past him and chase him down for an interview. Tom did not seem perplexed, as he was not seeking attention with his journey and certainly didn't advertise it. But I have a feeling that as word of Mr. Helling spreads, many interested parties may set up camp by his estimated resting points in order to chronicle his story for their region's news organizations. It's the feel good story that's sorely missing from today's newscasts.



While The Stray Cat managed to conduct a good straight-forward interview, that wasn't the original intent. We thought we might try to ask some fun questions to take the edge off the serious message behind The Cross Guy's quest. The kinds of things that serious and legitimate reporters wouldn't ask. However, we changed our minds early on as we got to know the guy and asked normal questions. Sure, it wasn't the Homeless Suzy follow-up Jay was relying on, but I decided it was good for what it was and Tom had a great message for the human race. It was more about spirituality than religion, meaning you didn't have to have a superior being in your life to make the most of it. While there were questions I wish I remembered to ask when I had the chance, I spent more time thinking about questions that I shouldn't ask on the drive over to the motel.
-Did anyone ever make remarks about the seven-foot-long wood he was packing?
-Should he stick an umbrella on top of the cross to make his walks in the rain drier?
-Wasn't it totally hilarious that a man whose last name is Helling has turned to God? I can answer that. The answer is "no".
-Did he hope to inspire other people with his actions? Inspire them to also construct large crosses and carry them around the highways and byways of America? It's fine for one guy to do it, but if there were legions of people emulating this act it would slow down traffic worse than cyclists.
-Did he consider himself a modern day Jesus, demonstrating how he would lug around a crucifix in the present day? Features of this cross are a wheel on the bottom, a padded shoulder rest, minimal supplies strapped to the bottom, and new boots on his feet. Critics have already decried that the way Mr. Helling was going about his recreation "wasn't how Jesus did it", but I most certainly believe Mr. Christ would have if he were sentenced in this day and age.

We signed The Cross Guy's cross, as those who conversed with him were invited to do, which after only eight days and 3oo miles was already speckled with as many signatures as there are verses in The Bible. I wonder if all that extra ink and lead weighed his lumber down even more? By the time he completes his trek, the thing will probably be completely black from all the John Hancocks, not to mention his shoulder and hands stained from holding the cross in humid and moist weather conditions.

When we were finished with our questioning, we still tried to sneak in a little bit of clowning around with The Cross Guy. See, Jay brought a boom box along with us in hopes that we could convince Tom to either sing karaoke to Madonna's "Like A Prayer", or to get him to do a Hulk Hogan set of poses to The Hulkster's entrance music "Real American". Jay tuned up Hogan's music and demonstrated how the former wrestling icon would play to the crowd by flexing his arms in positions not that much different than how a cross would stand. While Mr. Helling got a kick out of The Stray Cat's routine, it wasn't for him. So we bid him farewell and good luck, and even though I have no control over such things, I apologized to the Arizona native for the rash of wet weather New England had been getting lately. Godspeed, Tom "Cross Guy" Helling. You're a stronger willed man than I.

I also made a little snippet of video with Jay before departing, (in my driveway, not in front of The Cross Guy) where I told COX Communications to fuck off because they forbid us to advertise the United States Wrestling Federation's online content. I also happened to be wearing my custom made USWF logo shirt during the interview.



And that's just... the way... it is...

Our Video Interview, courtesy of Yellow Snow Productions
Cross Walk Talk Part 1
Cross Walk Talk Part 2

More Cross Walk Reading
Warwick Beacon's article
Wicked Local's article
Newburyport News' article
Vagabond Journey's article

Keep in mind that since Tom Helling practically just started his journey, there will be many more articles written in the future, so hug that Google if this story interests you. I doubt I'll be posting any more follow-ups. I've written my piece.

Dream Girls

I know I'm not the only one who dreams of girls who are off limits. I've dreamed of Stephi plenty of times (and told her so because I have no shame). But I raise the issue now because, for the past five days, I had dreams of a different woman each night. And they're all dreams I can recall even a while after having them. I'll bet you all would agree that it's hard to recall vivid details of dreams after waking up.

The first night, I dreamed of a slender blonde beauty who always dresses in black despite being a Light Spirit. I didn't work directly with her, but I've crossed her path often at my last job. We weren't what you would call "friends", but we peacefully co-existed nonetheless. Which is why I can't figure out why she took center stage in one of my dreams. Within that dream, she seemed to be crazy over me, and she talked with a very seductive tone. We were at a party that seemed to be set in my grandfather's old house for some unknown reason (it was a dream, remember) and we sought refuge in a bathroom in order to have alone time. I won't go in to too much detail on what happened there, but she seemed to have a sudden dislike in my pants in that she wanted to get them off me. And there was also a shower scene. Sorry, too much information.

Second night. I found myself in the past at my old school bus stop in front of the fire station. Two girls, one being my second biggest real-life crush (we'll call her Em), and a friend of hers who I used to also associate with (who we'll call Tee), were also there. Just like now, I was not on speaking terms with this crush. Then the "bus" comes, a large, square-shaped vehicle that could only exist in the dream world. The bus' interior had chairs in the middle and padded ones lining the sides. I occupied one of the cushy seats, and Tee sits two chairs away from me. She has the intention of getting Em to sit between us. But other kids are piling onto the bus and one girl takes the seat. Then Em arrives, and both her and Tee argue with the bitch and demand that she get her ass to another seat. So she does, and Em takes her "rightful" place. Without even sharing any words, Em and I begin to play the flirty "I'm tired, can I rest my head on your shoulder?" game, alternating with each other. We even have our heads together at one point. While my old crush's appearance is different now, she had a look I was more familiar with from years past in this dream. You try to forget old relationships and then your mind has to pull crap like this.

Third night starred a beauty I'm sure many are familiar with. None other than 2008 Australian Open tennis champion Maria Sharapova. While it isn't out of the ordinary for one to fantasize about being with the young Russian tennis babe, she was way out of character here. The good news is that she was interested in me, the bad news is that she wasn't that bright, and prone to fits of crying whenever she did something to make her realize that fact. I guess she was overly frustrated. But in good boyfriend fashion, I was there to comfort and reassure her. Wouldn't you? I also vaguely recall driving another "dream exclusive" vehicle that was so big I couldn't even go under underpasses. Hmmm... "under underpasses". Can I say that?

Dream four. There's a Dark Spirit who works at a record store I frequent often who's "hide in a corner of the store so I can steal glances at her without her noticing" hot. She's been there for as long as I've been visiting, which has been years. I always look out for her as soon as I enter. Oh yeah, the dream. One night, I enter the record store, and all seems normal. But then the next day when I go there, it underwent a slight change. It was gutted and transformed into a beauty salon, and the girl was the owner. And the only one who worked there. Very odd indeed. Now that I think about it, she also made appearances in other dreams as a worker in variations of the same store.

Last night's dream featured another slim blonde babe. Famous for her appearances in World Wrestling Entertainment and Dancing With the Stars... and a cameo in Bubble Boy... none other than Stacy Keibler. A lady known mostly for her exquisite legs, but it's not like the rest of her isn't worthy of equal attention. I mostly remember us meeting, and in a bizarre twist, me offering her my autograph. She didn't turn it down, for what it's worth. But the pen I was using to sign paper was very strange. I would try to write "To Stacy Keibler", but for whatever reason, the letters came out so big it covered the entire paper. No room to write "From James Gannon" on it. So I would try another sheet, but same results. I went through a lot of paper, and to her credit, Stacy was very patient. I guess she really wanted a no name writer's autograph. I think I did finally manage to get what I wanted written down with that "dream pen".

Five nights in a row, five different girls. That's business as usual for "players", but these encounters were only in my mind. If I my slate of luck continues for six nights or more, I'll alter this entry to include them. Until then, have pleasant dreams. I know I will.

And that's just the way it is.

Welcome To BlogSpot

I’ve decided to move my web blog to this more well-known service called Blogspot. You know, where you’re viewing this now.

The second and third snows of the season have fallen this morning and this evening respectively. The early flakes dissipated pretty quick, but looks like I’ll be scraping off the late-comers tomorrow morning.

I got rid of my Tag-Board only page and stuck it onto a brand new page with my brand new Frappr map. For those not in the know, a Frappr map is a satellite generated view of the world, and people can pinpoint their location on it. Sort of like saying “Jed was here”, but on a much grander scale. I’ve had it for about a week, and already got visitors from South Dakota, Kansas, Philadelphia (thank you spell check), and even as far away as Israel. And three people as close as Providence. I don’t even know anyone in Providence anymore. But for the love of Bob Ross, could people start leaving more info about themselves besides the general area where they reside?

Today’s Survival Tip: Don’t drink egg nog 13 days past its expiration date. Trust me on this one. Those little chunks? Not ice.

One final note, congratulations to my best friend Jarrod Cappelli, who found out he and his sweetie Tarah are going to be parents. I tried to get him to hold back his sexual urges until after marriage, I swear.

And that’s just the way it is.

Prologue To Winter

Originally posted December 4th, 2006

The first snow of the season has fallen this morning. And the first snow of the season melted away this afternoon. The shovels may hibernate for another day. It also marked the day where I brought my trench coat out from the closet since last winter. Like always, the "Trench Coat Mafia" references started up by the same people who have been doing it for the previous four years. Nothing says comedy like the systematic shootings of high schoolers by unhinged psychopaths. And if I really was to be a successor to that infamous group, I don't think taunting me is the best idea. Just kidding. BSing with your co-workers helps you get through an arduous workday.

While my Sleep Terrors haven't bothered me as much, one episode took a new form, rather than the usual otherworldly visions. I have this bothersome worry that someone will invade my homestead while I sleep and murder me and my entire family. So my Sleep Terror manifested itself into the form of a nighttime intruder, dressed all in black, camouflaged by my lightless room, who jumped out of the darkness and began to strangle me. I felt powerless to retaliate. The scary thing is, as Sleep Terrors usually are, it felt so real that I actually believed that "this was the end". But I did come out of it as I woke up all alone in my room.

I just don't know how to organize my thoughts right now. A million ideas are floating through my head on what has to be done to get on with my life, but I can't figure out what has to be done first, and how to place the rest. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with these thoughts that I can't do a single thing. Do I draw a new comic? Do I continue my spin-off story? Do I add more content to this web site? Do I compose a book proposal for my first novel, which I think needs more revision? I believe I must first find time to organize my checking and savings accounts, because how I balance my cash flow in the coming months will determine how long I can keep myself afloat without ending up on the street.

A neat little thing I noticed last night was that my web site can now be found on Internet search engines. Before, I had to pay a fee to get it listed, but now anyone can find my page if they enter the right keywords. Those being "James Gannon, dark, fiction, writer, stories, books, Callous, Shadow, Tammy Corona". And we all know how popular those terms are. So there are now slight chances that an outsider can stumble upon my place on the web. Now I can get criticism from complete strangers! OH, THE INTRIGUE! A few uninteresting notes:
On yahoo search, my "about" page is ranked #4 if you search "james gannon"... and my bio page is ranked #1 for "james gannon writer".
On AOL search, my home page is ranked #33 for "james gannon". I think they're still mad I canceled my AOL account.
Google search... #36.

I was close to signing up for the well-known art showcase web site "deviantART.com", until I read the fine print. Evidently, submitting your artwork gives the staff the right to do whatever they want with it, such as reproduce, edit, display, and even publish it without any residuals offered to the original creator. Sorry folks, no one can claim rights to my eyesores except me. I wanted to become a "deviant" so I could show off my art to a wider audience, plus it offered a better format than my current gallery. But I think I'll stick with what I have right now. But I'll have to drop some cash in order to show off more of my work.

Still have Christmas shopping to do. You?

I got a zit on my elbow. MY FUCKING ELBOW. Now I have to rub cleansing oil on that thing too?

Some final words of wisdom I'd like to invoke upon you: If you make a threat to beat up your boss under your breath, make sure it still isn't loud enough for him to hear it. No, I'm not the one who did it, but it did involve the guy whose fingers I threatened to break if he kept interfering in my work.

And that's just the way it is.

From Good To Bad To Sort Of Okay

Originally posted September 19th, 2006

This note was awaiting me on the hood of my car as I left the Warwick Mall tonight. My guess is that it was left there by the needlessly wide truck that I parked next to in the lot. I fit perfectly between it and the car that was on my other side. Yes, I was parked close to the truck, but considering the size of it, a compact would have difficulty giving it enough space. I was able to easily get out of my car. While I was gone, the owner of the truck, a great motorist who took it upon himself to rid the world of this injustice, apparently realized at least one of the problems evident in owning such a big vehicle and decided to take it out on the person situated between the parking lines next to him.

So when I returned to my car, and entered it, I noticed the little note stuck in the windshield wiper. "Great," I thought, "another stupid flyer about some great weight-watching plan". So I got out, read it, and got a little peeved. I looked all over my car for any signs of vandalism, but didn't see any. I sure didn't want to drive off knowing that there was gum stuck somewhere that might cause a problem. I'm not much of a motor-vehicle aficionado, so I can't say whether or not a little piece of gum could be stuck somewhere to "gum" up the inner workings and cause me to barrel roll into a ditch somewhere. So I fetched someone from mall security to give my car a look over. He shined his little flashlight on the underside of my handle and immediately found the offending chewy mess. Apparently, he stuck it as far up the car handle as possible. And I, like most people, use the tips of my fingers to pull the handle, rather than shove my entire hand in it and yank it open. He screwed up a fuckin' gum prank! How stupid do you have to be? It's a good thing he left the note or I never would have known. I most certainly not get to "enjoy the gum!" I was cheated! Even mall security confirmed I was parked perfectly within the lines. He stated there were some very sick people out there, and I tend to agree. Here's a little note to you drivers of grossly-proportioned vehicles out there. If you try to park in a normal spot, everyone will park "a little close" to you if they're within the boundaries of their own spot. You are not entitled to have the spots to your left and right vacated so you can swing your door wide open, stretch your legs, scratch your crotch and grunt. Blah blah blah, drivers of big vehicles are compensating for something, blah, blah blah. I drive a Honda Civic, which I guess can be deemed complimentary towards my manhood. The best part of all this is, while I've beaten lesser men using nothing but my intellect before, this is the first time I defeated someone without even being present. If that lunatic is the kind of person who has to get revenge on someone who's in the right, what will he do to someone who "inconveniences" him worse? I think heavy fines and jail time is in someone's future. Now that I look at the note more, the hand-writing distinctly female, based on what I’ve seen from girls. Especially because the fact the period at the end is a circle. Could it be this sadist was a woman? At least I could have sweet-talked my way out of this one! On second thought, maybe the ineffective gum treatment was safer.

I don't want to leave you all with a sour impression of mankind, so I'll relay the cool thing I checked out today prior to my inadvertent victory over idiocy. I didn't visit the mall tonight to shop at The Hot Topic or (blech) Old Navy. As I currently work in the electronics department of a retail store with a video game selection, I get visited by representatives from Nintendo. Great guys who know and appreciate the product, just like me. Anyway, they invited me to check out the neighboring mall at 6 'o clock. They told me it was a sponsored event where they would show off the Nintendo DS Lite, such as new models and games. Being the fan boy for the Big N I am, I was only too happy to take them up on their offer. I saw both of them there, as well as employees from Electronics Boutique at both this mall and the one I work at (for the record, the two malls are within five minutes of each other). There was a big deal about people being able to bring in their DS and their copy of Nintendogs to get an exclusive pair of sunglasses for their digital pooch to wear, promoted as the special glasses that Haylie Duff's (Hillary's sister) dog has. There were a bunch of bean bag chairs where the kids could huddle together with their game-nines to get the bonus shades. See what I did back there? I combined the words "game" with "canines" to make a completely new word for the English language. I'm a professional writer. I assure you I'm allowed to do this. If you weren't into the Nintendogs thing, which is one of the system's highest sellers, they also had a station available for you to wirelessly download demos of DS titles of the present and future. While they had three DS Lites set up for visitors, I was well prepared by bringing my own DS to the festivities, so I was able to download and try out numerous games at my leisure. There were about 20 games and short movies to experience, but I only tried my hand at the few I was interested in. The games I tested are as follows:

Metroid Prime Hunters: Not a big fan of first person shooters, but I did get very far in Gamecube's Metroid Prime. I was hesitant to buy this, and today I found out with good reason. The controls are difficult, as it feels as if you need three hands to play. One hand to move your character, the other to jump and shoot, and another to control your viewpoint. I'm not one of those "purists" who believe game franchises like Mario and Sonic don't belong in 3-D, but I can't say I support Samus' switch to FPS. I'd love to give her a try in third-person. I'm also huge fan of her 2-D outings, including her recent adventures on Game Boy Advance.
Meteos: I read the instructions and still don't get it. The controls are just bizarre.
Mario vs. Donkey Kong 2: I was keeping an eye on this upcoming release, and managed to demo it here. However, the experience kind of turned me off, as controlling the Mini-Marios with the stylus doesn't seem natural. Those little wind-up toys move kind of on their own. Hmm... perhaps the controls are dead on, then.
Clubhouse Games- Darts: Clubhouse Games will feature many parlor games in its cartridge, and you could sample Darts here. Just touch the dart on the touch screen and push it forward to the dartboard on the top screen. I can't even begin to figure out why we're supposed to be entertained by this.
Magnetica: I saved the best for last, and boy did I enjoy this one. It's kind of hard to describe, but it's a puzzle game where you use your stylus to fling marbles at an ever-growing "snake" of marbles spiraling towards the center of the screen where your own marble launcher is situated. If your marble connects with two or more of the same color, they disappear, and when the gap you made closes, it could potentially make a chain of other similarly colored marbles vanish as well. As this was my favorite, I kept it loaded in my DS when I left. Just a note, all demos disappear after you turn the unit off, but closing the DS itself enters it into hibernation to save on power. Plus, I have it plugged into the charger. I may very well purchase this one.
Don't accuse me of being a DS hater because I didn't like a majority of those games. My library consists of 19 titles to date, with many more I'm looking forward to. I guess these just weren't "there" for me. But it's not a complete loss. Besides a demo of Magnetica, my man Johnathan hooked me up with a free DS shirt.
Check me out, I'm a corporate shill! An extra-large one! Wiiiiiiiiiii!

And that’s just the way it is…

Memory Lane

Originally posted May 26, 2006

As I was cleaning out my room/office, I came upon several items that I shoved in a cabinet inside my closet. Things that you don't really have a use for, but want to hold onto anyway for sentimental reasons. Among such things are...
-All the cards from my 21st birthday at Dave & Buster's. Most of them offered hilarious anecdotes about getting drunk, but the truth is, I didn't. August 31st, 2002 was the first and last time I've ever consumed alcoholic beverages. Not soley because of my aversion to screwing up my rational thought patterns, but because I just flat out didn't like the taste. My first experiment was with some yellow concoction which I could only take a few sips of. Then there was another called "Purple Hooter" which I could only tolerate. So yes, on my 21st birthday, I sucked down a hooter. Just don't ask me to elaborate, or the innuendo is lost.
-Also from my D&B birthday celebration, a portrait of myself done by one of those photo-booths that take your picture, draw your image, and then spits it out the side. The machine's name was "Leonardo", and according to his digital voice, I was "a masterpiece". I recall looking at the picture after it was developed and saying to myself, "I'm going to stop combing my hair back."
-A thank-you note from my cousins David and Stacy. It was in reference to a wedding gift. In their own words, they enjoyed having me there. That's right folks, I'm available for parties!
-The farewell card from my job at Shaw's Supermarket, as well as the name tag. I was there for 3 years, so I guess I struck a cord with at least the 10 people who signed the card. Two girls made reference to how I never smile, a quality which I proudly maintain to this very day. A note of interest, this card was signed by our very own pedophile and his victim!
-A few keepsakes from my days as a wrestling fan. That ended in '03, but I held onto them. Autographs from Kane and Mick "Mankind" Foley. As well as 7 ticket stubs from live wrestling events I attended. Two from the now-extinct Warwick Musical Theater, and 4 from The Providence Civic Center/The Dunk, one of which was a Pay Per View.
-Newspaper clippings in reference to the tragic death of Owen Hart. Owen was one of my favorite performers, no matter which nickname he was labeled as. His passing hit me pretty hard, despite the fact I didn't know him personally. You watch a guy perform weekly for you after a certain amount of years, it's hard to come to grips with the fact that you will never see him again, and without a proper send-off. I also found the black armband I initialed with O.H. that I wore with me for a week after he died.
-My previous driver's license and a one dollar bill, "Silver Certificate" edition. I'm hoping at least one of these will be worth something to someone someday.
-My cap, gown, and diploma from high school graduation. I better hold on to these, because they are the last kinds of these items I will procure in my lifetime.

Still nothing in the Links section. I was going to add a link to a site of an associate of mine, but he has never responded to my invitation. I will only link to sites with permission from the owners.

Last few Brain Ages since I last wrote are 23, 33, and now 35. It's been a while since I last tested.

And that's just the way it is.

The Ants Have Invaded

Originally posted May 13, 2006

Unbeknownst to you all, I bought an ant farm. Today, a day that will live on forever in infamy, the ants have arrived. This is my second attempt at caring for them, the first being when I was only a little callous. I didn't feed or water them as often as I should have, and what happens when you don't provide such things to a living creature. THEY DIE. I guess I was more careless than callous, actually. Funny now that I think of it. I was a fat little kid back then, but I couldn't spare any grub for my insect buddies. I'm one of the very few people who enjoyed Maxis's SimAnt program. I don't step on ants, and won't even crush them under my callous fist if I find one in my room. I've always been fascinated by the little buggers because of their extreme intelligence, and wonder why it took so long for me to go on down to the farm again.

I started the farm off by making three tunnels in the dirt by pushing into it with a straw. But when the ants arrived, the first thing they did was fill two of them with sand. Ungrateful bitches. It was a decision that didn't garner support by all. A few would dig into the two unwanted tunnels to deepen them, but the rest would start throwing other sand grains right down into it afterwards, oftentimes on the heads of the "rebels". Which just goes to show that even ants can be pricks. It appears their first task at hand is to clear a path directly underneath the plastic seperating the dirt from the open area.

Even worse, as one ant slept inside a tunnel marked for a landfill, the others fucking BURIED HER ALIVE. At least wake the poor little SOB and warn her. When she woke up, she had to claw her way out. If I were an ant in her situation, I would have kicked some abdomen after freeing myself. But then again, the only male ants are breeder ants and have no business working in tunnels. Just for the record, all worker ants (which is the only type my Uncle Milton will ship) are female. So I'll do my best to refer to individual ants as "her" and not "him".

To correct wrongdoings of the past, I squeezed a few droplets of water in there to quench their thirsts. Disproving how smart I thought they were, three ants would hoard themselves onto one drop. Perhaps they're social drinkers. When they do drink, they just stick their faces into the water and become immobile. Sort of like how you would just relax at the bar after a hard day's work. One wanted to pass by them, and she tried her hardest not to touch any droplets in her path. I guess she's courteous to her sisters in not wanting to taint the water supply.

Mother's Day tomorrow. Bought mine some untraditional flowers called Heathers and a card that said "You've always been like a mother to me". Well, she has.

Current Brain Age: 28

I, for one, welcome our ant overlords.

MySpace Celebs

Originally posted May 13, 2006

I added a few legit celebrity profiles to my Friends Space on Myspace during the past week, and today I decided to deliver comments to all of them. When I did so on Eminem's, I started getting friend requests from unknown rappers. One of their profile pictures had the guy flipping its viewer off. Why the hell would I want to be your friend if you're telling me to go fuck myself? Why would I want to be your friend anyway? Are you saying "If you like Eminem, you'll love Jay-Vee?" No. You're not Eminem. You're not even Dr. Seuss. A third friend request was from a girl named Natalie who made a profile TODAY. And it was filled with about 70 Eminem fans. She requested that you AIM her at a certain name, and I checked the profile of said name and it said "oscSock version 1.2 beta". I did some research and determined that it's a code that can really screw up your messenger service. As a matter of fact, I believe I got similair looking friend requests from profiles resembling hers. You mean all those pretty blond girls DON'T want to be my friend? I prefer brunettes a tiny degree more anyway. Nothing against blondes and redheads, I'm not shallow enough to judge based on hair color.

James Gannon Trivia: The last three women I had a strong interest in were blondes who dyed their hair black.

An excerpt from Elvira's Myspace bulletin, in regards to her attending Gay Pride Events to raise awareness: "With those boys, I can't seem to raise anything else!" That's fucking GOLD. But why does there have to be gay awareness events? I'm well aware of gay people.

Today at work (the place where I'm not writing or drawing) I bumped into someone from high school (I graduated in '99). He's married now and has a government job driving a truck in the construction field. His face hasn't changed a bit, and I immediately recognized him. But he was the one who noticed me first, and I'm surprised that he could tell who I was considering I dropped about twenty-one pounds since we last saw each other. He's married, and I can tell he matured. Why do I say that? Because he treated me like ABSOLUTE SHIT in school and he was very polite this time around. If everyone else I knew from school changed like him, I may go to the High School Reunion after all.

I added a new button and page to James-Gannon.com. I originally had an About page when I first started, but pulled it because I didn't think it was needed. But then I decided that, instead of having newcomers dip into every page to find out what everything is about, I'd give them a place to start which explains everything regarding my career, my work, and the site itself. Then there's the News page, because I thought taking the news off the main page would make it look better. When devising a button for it, I wanted it to feature another one of my characters. So I chose one of the major villains from my series, Judas Champion. Judas is Callous' arch-nemesis and is going to be featured prominately in my current project, The Devil's Hand. The button depicts Judas on the front page of Idle's newspaper's Sports section. The photo's caption reads "Idle's Judas Champion Wins Karate Tourney".

Last night's Brain Age: 31
Current Brain Age: 27

And that's just the way it is...

Counter, Countim

Originally posted May 10, 2006

Another blog entry already? I figure, hey, if I have the material, why not present it?

Just a notice: I've decided not to post a blurb in the News Section whenever I post a new Epitaph. You'll just have to check it out every once in a while.

Yesterday was the weekly new DVD release day. What did I pick up out of all the Hollywood "gems" that were in the theater for approximately two weeks about half a year ago? None. I purchased season one of Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist.

To Myspace bloggers out there: If you're going to talk trash about someone, you have to at least be better than the person you're insulting. A criminal record and a need to change your pants every time you pass gas doesn't make you superior to someone who can hold a steady job and makes new lady friends regularly. No, this has nothing to do with me personally.

I spent the last part of 2005 and all of 2006 working on graphics for this web site, so I haven't had time to do any major pieces of art like you'd see in my gallery. And since I still have a list of graphics I would like to create, this won't change soon. But I am trying to make time for one major drawing. This piece is unrelated to my writings, for it is a tribute to another person. It's going to be done in photo-realistic style, similair to my self-portrait, but I will concentrate more on details this time.

I have the option of putting a counter on my site. But since I like to look at this site myself numerous times throughout the day, I'd lose track of which hits are from me or visitors. I would appreciate it if new visitors at least posted a little something on my Tag-Board. People have an aversion to it for some reason, thinking that if they compliment me on my work, I will go insane with rage, find where you live, and murder you and your family in a most grotesque fashion. DO NOT BE AFRAID TO SAY "HI". And I apologize for the pop-up in advance. Why don't you have a pop-up blocker anyway? What am I talking about, I have Firefox and I still get one.

About the button I created for The Epitaph: There's nothing cooler than crafting your own tombstone.

Nintendo DS (the preferred gaming and communication device of Idle's citizens) has a great non-game out known as Brain Age. It contains activities centered around reading, writing, arithmatic, concentration, and memorization. After doing a select few, it will calculate your "brain age" based on how well you performed. 20 is the best possible score. I try to exercise my intellect at least once a day and will keep you informed of my progressions.
Here are all my results since my first time: 67, 44, 51, 49, 43, 35, 41, 32, 29
Current Brain Age: 34

And that just the way it is...