My Brush With Maim

A little more than a week ago, I was contacted by Chuckles The Klown, Rhode Island's resident evil clown, with an interesting proposal: He wanted me to play a part on his public access show, The Chuckles 'n Laughs Show. It sure sounded like a unique experience, so I agreed to come down and check it out. The program in question is a macabre talk show with skits, a place where Elvira would feel right at home. It is hosted by Chuckles The Klown, a deranged jester who marks every day on his calendar as Halloween, and also takes his act on the road and occasionally M.C.s at local clubs. The show's cast is comprised of his family and friends in various costumed and heavily makeupped roles.

I first met Chuckles and a pair of his co-stars at the USWF's 16th Anniversary Show on April 18th. For those that don't know, I'm the figurehead President of that promotion, and Chuckles is a longtime veteran who was making his grand return as a manager. I guess The Klown was impressed enough with my performance to consider me a potential new talent for his show. The role in question was that of the Director of the "Chuckles Asylum", the setting of the program. I would be taking over for Dr. Degraide (USWF Hall of Famer The Lariat) who was suspended from his duties due to "malpractice". I would essentially be the big boss of the hospital, coming in to rein in on Chuckles and friends' insanity.

April ends, I turn the calendar to May, and it was show time. I drive to the studio, which is filmed out of The Klown's two car garage. That meant it was a step above about 90% of public access sets which are usually recorded in living rooms with poor lighting. The interior was a sight to behold: a glimpse into the creative mind of a man who wields horror as his comedic weapon. PVC pipe prison bars enclosing the entrance. An orange crate designed to burst open for surprise entrances. Fog machines, strobe lights, and black lights. A table with several recently made papier-mâché skulls standing to dry. A dressing room full of enough costumes, props, and face paint to staff an entire hospital of psychotic patients and equally demented caretakers. Horror and sci-fi movie memorabilia, including a Jason-inspired hockey mask signed by the likes of Tom Savini, Derek Mears, and the true Jason Voorhees of Friday the 13th: Part 2, Warrington Gilette Steve Dash. Other anemnities that are staples of garages used solely for housing hobbies are a microwave, mini-fridge, and TV. There was also an amazingly sophisticated lighting and sound system, but even more amazing was that the show was recorded on a tiny digital camera.

After getting suited up in my costume, consisting of gaudy, blood stained blue-green scrubs, a ratty medical coat, and a burn-marked tie, I met some new people and hung with some I was already familiar with. Aside from the regular cast was Tombstone Tony of Tony Jones & The Cretin 3, DJ Psycho Eddie, RWA wrestler The Irish Warrior, and also my USWF co-stars Maniac Mike and John Almeida. The aforementioned crew have regular parts on the show, although Tony was just there to watch on this day.

The first series of acts featured a man from Taunton, Massachusetts who was about to turn the loony bin on its ear. Known as "The Human Floor", he was one of those guys who wouldn't protest if you were to walk all over him. In fact, he encouraged being used as a welcome mat. He warmed the crowd up by doing something that seemed pedestrian to him, but would get many of us sent to a REAL hospital: He held a cinder block on his head and then had his lovely assistants smash it to pieces with a club hammer. He then had one broken over his OTHER head, if you catch my drift. Following that, he inserted a nail into each nostril with the business end of a regular hammer and then had an unwilling "volunteer" pry them out with the claw end. Next he had four ladies stand on top of his body, including his face, and sang happy birthday to one of them. A ball crushing also occurred, which I was quite certain wasn't a part of the act. Then he really ramped up the freak factor by bringing out two beds of nails (I checked, they were legit), sandwiching himself between them, and then having people stand, sit, and jump on top of him. When he peeled himself out of this horizontal iron maiden, his body was full of pockmarks, but not a single one produced blood. Determined not to leave without making the audience grind their teeth into a fine powder, he smashed a pair of beer bottles, dumped the shards into a bucket full of thousands more of them, spread them on the ground, and proceeded to walk over them with his bare feet. The sound of broken glass grinding beneath his soles nearly made Chuckles himself pass out. He even took a trip over them carrying an audience member in his arms for added pressure. At least the worst was over... until he brought out the darts. Darts I personally witnessed him sharpening into fine points. He had some of us hurl them towards a crudely drawn target on his stomach. In yet another malfunction involving the man's crotch, a dart nearly missed giving him a Prince Albert. Yes, they stuck inside his flesh, and yes, there was an oozing blood trail. And yes, we also gave this sick bastard an ovation. What does that say about us? I should note that after certain stunts, Chuckles would summon me, "the doctor", to center stage to check on the condition of The Human Floor to the best of my ad-libbed abilities. I would dust some cinder block residue off his brow or check his eyes for whatever reason, then head back to my seat to allow the show to progress. Some miscellaneous facts about The Human floor is that he's a former wrestler, and that other routines in his torturous arsenal are being buried alive and having hundreds of dollars in cash stapled to his face and body.

As the show progressed, I started to become increasingly concerned about the fact that I still had no inkling of what I would be doing when it was my time to appear on stage; just who my character was. Though I was aware that a script existed, usually in the possession of Chuckles in the form of a red composition notebook, its contents had yet to be seen by my eyes. When The Human Floor finished his set, I was finally summoned backstage for a pep talk by The Klown. It was finally my time to shine, or so I thought. The next segment would be an interview with The Human Floor, which would start out with me walking on stage, introducing myself as the medical director, and how the usual insanity that occurs on the show would be ending under my watch. Then I would be seated on a couch with The Human Floor where both Chuckles and I would take turns lobbing questions at him like the razor sharp darts that were used earlier. Problem was that there was no preparatory time before hand, and this segment was going to be taking place immediately. The whole week prior to this day, I thought I would be working off a script, but in actuality, I would have to be working off the cuff with on-the-spot improv. The only thing I do worse than acting is improvisational acting. While Chuckles assured me the role would be similar to my USWF Presidential gig, I would normally prepare for that role by coming up with and reciting speeches in my head for weeks in advance. I suddenly had flashbacks to my uncomfortable "deer in headlight" moments that plagued my early USWF career where I appeared on camera with a general idea of what I should say, and then freezing up as those I shared the scene with would scramble to come up with something to fill the dead air and save the scene from myself. The last thing I wanted to do now was derail Chuckles' show with my improvisational ineptitude, so I backed out. I suppose I could tackle the role if I know what to expect beforehand, but at the time I surely wasn't a doctor, nor have I played one on TV. In the United States Wrestling Federation, I play a character whose job is to direct the chaos of a group of maniacs who wish to cause harm to themselves and each other, and in The Chuckles 'n Laughs Show... my God. The Klown was right.

There was an Asian theme to this particular episode, where specters from the Orient were conjured up and began haunting the asylum. There was a ghost ninja who was unsure of his nationality and the demon leads from The Grudge and The Ring. There were also visits from Eddie as a psycho sumo, and the head nurse played by Chuckles' real life wife Lacey, who was quite impressively made up to look like a Geisha. The talk show segments played out with Chuckles exchanging banter with The Irish Warrior or Maniac Mike, when one of the aforementioned guests would show up and start harassing whoever The Klown's sidekick was. Irish Warrior played his paranoid part perfectly, and I think the unfortunate nurse got run through with a sword twice. Apparently her death is a running gag in the series. The ninja and the sumo squared off, with the shinobi spirit getting easily squashed. Then there was a recurring segment called "The Ted Bundys" that parodied Married With Children, featuring a hockey masked Ted Bundy getting frustrated with his disappointing family and running them through with a butcher knife.

This day had two shows scheduled to be taped, but I had to depart at the conclusion of the first. I didn't get to appear on TV again, except for a brief second to check on the fainted Irish Warrior after he was apparently given a heart attack by The Ring girl, and maybe that was for the best. As a spectator, I watched the recording while trying to think of how I would interact with the scene if I were up there myself as mental preparation. I bid my farewells, was told the date of the next show, and how I might give it another try. There was a beautiful white hearse parked in front of the studio for a future segment, and it tore my heart to leave before I could see it implemented. Leaving a horror show before a hearse can be utilized is like leaving a birthday party before the cake is served.


Further Viewing:

The Chuckles 'n Laughs Show
YouTube
DailyMotion
FaceBook
MySpace

The Human Floor
YouTube
FaceBook
MySpace

Cross Guard

"Gannon, where u live? Wana come w me 2 that interview that guy 2moro? Its in Warwick. My number is --- --- ---- txt me or call if ur down"

I got an e-mail late last night from The Stray Cat. I don't mean an abandoned feline whose "cat like typing" accidentally sent me a coherent FaceBook message. "The Stray Cat" is the stage name of Jay Messier, a fellow Rhode Island resident who has had a lot of crazy escapades in the Ocean State, such as hosting Yellow Snow, a public access show dedicated to his misadventures revolving around teenage girls and beer, and was once the owner of the backyard wrestling club known as the United States Wrestling Federation. Pretty much everything I just mentioned in this paragraph will have Epitaphs devoted to them, but we're going to focus on the content of the e-mail.

"That guy" is a reference to Tom Helling, who we will affectionately refer to as "The Cross Guy". Mr. Cross Guy is a man who recently found God and decided to carry a large cross over his shoulder from Bangor, Maine to Mexico to spread the powerful influence of The Almighty Father. That's about 2,900 miles. Keep in mind I walked about 10 miles through Providence to make my Confirmation and ended up with blisters the size of golf balls on my soles. This guy cares more about God now than I ever did.



The Stray Cat was anticipating that this interview would be an adequate follow-up to his "Homeless Suzy" video, where he recorded a crazy woman's ramblings at the park where his friend's wedding photos were being taken. You would figure that a gentleman emulating Christ's excruciating, cross-dragging march towards his eventual crucifixion in the 21st century might yield a bizarre interview. Would Jay's public access standout, Yellow Snow, return to its glory years on the backs of Suzy Q. and The Cross Guy?

I predicted that this interview would secure Jason Messier's destiny as the phoenix rising from the recently deceased Walter Cronkite's ashes. That is, if the news anchor who was called "The Most Trusted Man In America" had a history of convincing women to flash at night clubs and turning himself into a literal pin cushion with thumbtacks while wrestling in his backyard. He labels himself as America's Savior, dedicating himself to fight the chains of oppression that political correctness brings. He does it by finding comedy in topics that might be considered taboo by most, as evidenced by the videos he's created. So when Jay got a hot tip on The Cross Guy and his whereabouts, he knew he had to conduct an interview with him that only The Stray Cat could.



It was learned that The Cross Guy was staying at a Motel 6 in Warwick, and I have no idea how Jay did it, but he contacted the motel and managed to set up an interview with Mr. Helling for the following day. It didn't seem like Tom would be moving on from his current location for a while, as he mentioned how tired his legs were and the fact that it would be raining most of the day. But we had to get there quick. The Warwick Beacon already scooped us the day before, and I'd be damned if a larger news group beat us to the punch. Thankfully, there were no news vans in the parking lot when we arrived. We entered the Motel 6 and Mr. Helling was waiting for us in the lobby, sans cross. We were to conduct the interview in the courtyard, which was under a balcony, but that didn't really matter since the rain let up. But wouldn't you know that the lawn sprinklers just happened to start up? The Cross Guy went to his room to get his namesake first, then we were ready to roll. He sat with Stray Cat on a green metal mesh bench and I held the camera to record this historic Yellow Snow feature.

I won't spend too much time in this Epitaph transcribing what will already be found in our video footage and online articles already written and soon to be written. Links to all those will be found towards the end of this entry. I'll just address some key points. Just about every question was asked by Jay, which was fine considering many of my own were similar to what he planned on asking anyway. The one inquiry I had was basically when he started his journey and how long he expected it to last. Taking into consideration how long he could stand to walk with a mobile cross over his shoulder in a single day, plus the times he would have to shack up during inclement weather, this missionary to Mexico could be at it for years. Speaking of which, The Cross Guy said his foray towards South of the Border might not even go past that border. He might either tag it with his hand or step one foot onto Mexican soil and be done with it. Hell, he might even decide to continue his great journey indefinitely.

One thing The Cat and myself marveled about was the lack of news stories about his journey. We both searched the Internet for any info about this guy we could scrape together, and there were only a scant few articles from roaming journalists lucky enough to drive past him and chase him down for an interview. Tom did not seem perplexed, as he was not seeking attention with his journey and certainly didn't advertise it. But I have a feeling that as word of Mr. Helling spreads, many interested parties may set up camp by his estimated resting points in order to chronicle his story for their region's news organizations. It's the feel good story that's sorely missing from today's newscasts.



While The Stray Cat managed to conduct a good straight-forward interview, that wasn't the original intent. We thought we might try to ask some fun questions to take the edge off the serious message behind The Cross Guy's quest. The kinds of things that serious and legitimate reporters wouldn't ask. However, we changed our minds early on as we got to know the guy and asked normal questions. Sure, it wasn't the Homeless Suzy follow-up Jay was relying on, but I decided it was good for what it was and Tom had a great message for the human race. It was more about spirituality than religion, meaning you didn't have to have a superior being in your life to make the most of it. While there were questions I wish I remembered to ask when I had the chance, I spent more time thinking about questions that I shouldn't ask on the drive over to the motel.
-Did anyone ever make remarks about the seven-foot-long wood he was packing?
-Should he stick an umbrella on top of the cross to make his walks in the rain drier?
-Wasn't it totally hilarious that a man whose last name is Helling has turned to God? I can answer that. The answer is "no".
-Did he hope to inspire other people with his actions? Inspire them to also construct large crosses and carry them around the highways and byways of America? It's fine for one guy to do it, but if there were legions of people emulating this act it would slow down traffic worse than cyclists.
-Did he consider himself a modern day Jesus, demonstrating how he would lug around a crucifix in the present day? Features of this cross are a wheel on the bottom, a padded shoulder rest, minimal supplies strapped to the bottom, and new boots on his feet. Critics have already decried that the way Mr. Helling was going about his recreation "wasn't how Jesus did it", but I most certainly believe Mr. Christ would have if he were sentenced in this day and age.

We signed The Cross Guy's cross, as those who conversed with him were invited to do, which after only eight days and 3oo miles was already speckled with as many signatures as there are verses in The Bible. I wonder if all that extra ink and lead weighed his lumber down even more? By the time he completes his trek, the thing will probably be completely black from all the John Hancocks, not to mention his shoulder and hands stained from holding the cross in humid and moist weather conditions.

When we were finished with our questioning, we still tried to sneak in a little bit of clowning around with The Cross Guy. See, Jay brought a boom box along with us in hopes that we could convince Tom to either sing karaoke to Madonna's "Like A Prayer", or to get him to do a Hulk Hogan set of poses to The Hulkster's entrance music "Real American". Jay tuned up Hogan's music and demonstrated how the former wrestling icon would play to the crowd by flexing his arms in positions not that much different than how a cross would stand. While Mr. Helling got a kick out of The Stray Cat's routine, it wasn't for him. So we bid him farewell and good luck, and even though I have no control over such things, I apologized to the Arizona native for the rash of wet weather New England had been getting lately. Godspeed, Tom "Cross Guy" Helling. You're a stronger willed man than I.

I also made a little snippet of video with Jay before departing, (in my driveway, not in front of The Cross Guy) where I told COX Communications to fuck off because they forbid us to advertise the United States Wrestling Federation's online content. I also happened to be wearing my custom made USWF logo shirt during the interview.



And that's just... the way... it is...

Our Video Interview, courtesy of Yellow Snow Productions
Cross Walk Talk Part 1
Cross Walk Talk Part 2

More Cross Walk Reading
Warwick Beacon's article
Wicked Local's article
Newburyport News' article
Vagabond Journey's article

Keep in mind that since Tom Helling practically just started his journey, there will be many more articles written in the future, so hug that Google if this story interests you. I doubt I'll be posting any more follow-ups. I've written my piece.

Killer Bods From Outer Space

From the planet Unebula, The Glow Girls came to Earth to party and hook up with guys. Resembling our planet's female humans, each is a hot-bodied athlete unlike any babe you've ever seen. The customary attire of their home world includes hot pants and tall boots, colored neon green with orange stripes, although they occasionally shed all that in favor of bikinis. All isn't fun and games for these eye-catching extraterrestrials, as they have to keep a lookout for the mutant alien L.E.N. who desires to control them and eventually take over our world. Another interesting note is that the girls seem to feed off radioactive energy... just like Godzilla! Except for them it comes in soda cans, much easier to consume that way than busting open a nuclear reactor. They're also finding out that Earth boys are easy.

In reality, The Glow Girls are a team of twenty or so beauties who can do more than stand around and look pretty. They are currently utilized in the promotion of products, companies, and events, such as the Total Fighting Alliance. The part of their evil alien nemesis is played by Lenward L. Holness Jr., the promoter of the women. A successful business man, he lived a life of luxury. His endeavors included music, fashion, photography, and finance. He's lived in New York, Boston, Hong Kong, and now California. He grew up with Steve Tyler and Joe Perry. Then one day he grew tired of the countless business and social meetings that consumed his life. Fuck all that shit, he wanted to drive around in luxury vehicles and hang around with young scantily clad babes. And he could, because he has the influence and cash. This is his version of retirement: being single and surrounded by women. And even with this venture, it looks like King Midas is about to make gold again.

I, along with a few million others, discovered The Glow Girls on YouTube. Their video channel offered no explanation on what their purpose was, but that was far from everyone's mind because their videos featured them dancing, playing, and exercising in their tight and revealing outfits. But like all tantalizing content on YouTube, the videos and the Glow Girl channel itself was soon deleted. I guess they had to make way for such brilliant content like the nausea inducing "leave Britney alone" parodies, episodes of Naruto, and the video blog of a ditz who goes on and on about why men are such shallow cretins, and yet has a vid where she states the most important qualities of a potential boyfriend are being good looking and having a high-paying job so she doesn't have to work.

The girls came back with two new channels, but the new videos play it safe by not being as arousing as before. But I still couldn't suppress the feeling that there was more to them then dancing for three minute video clips. I looked for the girls on MySpace and the search came out positive. This led me to more information about what they were truly about, which I already described to you earlier in this blog entry. Other interesting facts about the GGs is that they have a canine mascot named Bentley, who also wears a neon green jacket. They have their own personalized "Glow Mobile", an Aptera typ-1 rugged electric hybrid with a neon green paint job. They even have a theme song by MC Funky.

The Glow Girls and L.E.N. have met California govener Arnold Schwarzenegger, the mayor of Los Angeles Antonio Villaraigosa, Chinese actress Bai Ling, reality show and MySpace celebrity Tila Tequila, and for some reason, Danny Bonaduce. But even greater than the Govenator himself, they met JON F'N LOVITZ. I'd get breasts implanted in my chest and slip on hot pants just to meet that guy!

The Glow Girls are currently exclusive to personal appearances on the west coast, but a little alien told me that they have some pretty big projects planned in the future. I can't reveal who my informant is, or L.E.N. may come for me.

And that's just the way it is.

Demonic Possession

What has been possessed by demons? James-Gannon.com, of course. Despite the fact that my Sleep Terrors are still affecting me regularly, I still maintain complete control of my mind, body, and spirit.
Some religions believe in demons as much as they do their respective deities, most seeing them as evil. But since I'm an atheist and don't believe in the existence of such things, demons represent a neat accessory to dark spirit culture. Like how "bad" equals "cool", as long as it remains in fiction and not brought into reality. Sort of like Grand Theft Auto, it's all fun and games until some loose-brained malcontent blurs the line separating the play world with our own.

Loner's Dungeon
Although probably heading for a name change, Loner's Dungeon is a web site much darker and emotional than my own. Its webmaster is a young girl from Arizona with many aliases. Mostly known as Demon Loner but now going by Demon Martyr, I've personally referred to her as Lady Demon ever since I met her years ago.
Here's our "how we met" story. I wandered into a chat room she created on AOHell. It was named something along the lines of "do not talk to me", so I naturally tried to engage her in conversation. It turned out that the reason for her making such a room was to collect material from the legions of dimwitted America Online users who would pop into her chat room and make complete asses of themselves. She would copy the "best" comments and paste them onto her user profile or AOL Hometown web site for ridicule. We all have our hobbies.
I lost contact with her when she to canceled her AOL account because they thought her various demon inspired screen names were offensive. Honestly, she would go into chat rooms, religious zealots would cry over the then sixteen-year-old girl with the name "DemonBloodBath", and then she would be cited for a TOS (terms of service) violation. I'm sure the screen name "ILoveJesus" would have been acceptable, but what if you don't? Anyway I asked her for her home address so we could keep in touch. When my first letter reached her, it freaked her mother out because of all the horror stories she would hear about people who met on the Internet hooking up in real life and ending with someone getting raped. All from a piece of paper that contained the first chapter of an online book I was writing at the time.
The main feature of "The Dungeon" is to display her poetry, byproducts of her mind and a small depiction of her life's story. As her online nickname suggests, she also has a particular interest in demons. Her web site is aptly titled a dungeon because one page is devoted to collected graphics of demons, nytemares, and loonies. Those come from web pages that host animated gif files of strange and bizarre looking creatures you can "adopt" and display on your own web page. This was long before "widgets" became popular.
The Dungeon fell into disuse for quite a while after dropping AOL, although she signed up at a web site called All Poetry to feed her creative habit. After a couple of years wondering what happened to that demon girl, I searched Google for "Loner's Dungeon" and found a few sites that featured those keywords, mostly as links posted by Lady Demon herself. Now we are talking again and helping out each other's web endeavors.
During our time away, Lady Demon started to create tile graphics to be used as web page backgrounds. I was very impressed with them and chose several to spruce up my own site. Credit is paid back to her at the bottom of every page that features her work. That, and the aforementioned link to her Dungeon on my Links page.

Adopt-A-Demon
When I visited Lady Demon's web site after first meeting her, I became interested in the three demon graphics I saw there. They came from a place called Adopt-A-Demon, where a vast selection of unearthly creatures can be taken and placed on your own site. The only catch is giving credit to AOD on your find(s). I originally adopted four to keep on my old AOL Hometown site, but that whole thing went away when I ended my own account. Years later, when I finally decided to purchase my own .com address, I gave no thought into resurrecting my Hell babies from their inanimate prison within my hard drive. It was only after reuniting with Lady Demon that they entered my head again. I also went back to Adopt-A-Demon and took nine more of the underworld spawn to haunt James-Gannon.com. So have a heart... visit the site and adopt one of these preciously evil visions to inhabit your own online domain.

"Remember, a demon is forever and not just Halloween."~ Demon Keeper, administrator of Adopt-A-Demon

And that's just the way it is.

Ask Me About My Computer

I finally purchased a new notebook computer, after my last post detailed my original's death. After debating between Best Buy and CompUSA for a purchasing decision, the latter won out my business, with a $2oo rebate on a notebook that makes my previous one look to be a relic from the Stone Age. Six years (six months, even) means a lot as far as computer technology goes. Let's put this into perspective...
In 2001, I bought a notebook for $1999 that contained a 40 GB hard drive and 512 MB of RAM.
In 2007, I pay $899 (before rebate) for a notebook with a 120 GB hard drive and 1024 MB of RAM.
In six years, I only managed to fill about half of the hard drive. What am I going to cram into 120 gigs? Keep in mind that my primary use for my computer is writing, and text documents don't take up that much space. I don't game on my computer or store music or movies.

My pal Jason was able to successfully transfer the contents of my "My Documents" folder, as well as my desktop, to a disk. Less successful was some of my files making the jump intact. As I said before, there's no grave consequence, even if I got nothing back... but I am making him dive back into my old hard drive for one file whose importance is a little bit more so than others. A file I use to jot down any useful thought that comes into my head that I want to make sure I don't forget. Aside from this particular file becoming scrambled in the transfer, it seems that the ones I use most often ended up this way as well. To quote Dale Gribble of King of the Hill fame, "Computers don't make errors. What they do, they do on purpose."

I'm currently spending my time transferring my old computer's contents from CD to my new computer's hard drive. Then I'll reinstall all my other components such as camera, my printer/scanner hybrid, then I'll try out my web cam. I purchased it with the intention of using it with my last computer, but for whatever reason, it kept freezing up. One problem I have with this notebook is its placement of the touchpad. Even while typing this, the edge of my palm on my right hand keeps grazing it, sending my mouse pointer all over the screen and making me accidentally click random places. I hope I can overcome this.

Windows Vista is pretty cool, but if you're as used to Windows XP as I was, then it's "I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto." Maybe I shouldn't complain, some people are still using Windows 98.

Bi-annual Dental Hygiene Report: No cavities. Wisdom teeth doing fine.

And that's just the way it is.

It's Dead, Jim

After six years of service, the first computer (laptop) I ever owned for myself has suffered hard drive failure. I wrote my first few stories, including my first novel, on it and made blue-prints on a few hundred potential ones. I also accidentally spewed coffee on it. Twice. Plus its been opened and closed so many times a screw securing the screen in its plastic casing popped out. I'm using the family computer to work from for now, but anything involving the scanning of pictures will have to wait. Which means my Web Comic is on hiatus.

Fortunately, I've seen this coming about a mile away, so I copied all my important files to disk about a month ago. Everything else I'm losing can be redownloaded or reinstalled. Thankfully I'm acquainted with a computer expert. He diagnosed my laptop to the fullest of his abilities, and has come to the conclusion that it has indeed "kicked the bucket". But the good doctor can also salvage the few files I've created and altered since I put them to disk, but if he can't, it won't be a tragic loss.

I'm going to purchase a new laptop very soon after I read a few newspaper flyers to discover what's out there as well as possible deals. I guess its good because, as far as technology goes, I can be brought up to speed. I mean that literally, the laptop was performing its functions slowly. Computers become obsolete after six months, forget about six years.

And that's just the way it is.

MySpace Celebs

Originally posted May 13, 2006

I added a few legit celebrity profiles to my Friends Space on Myspace during the past week, and today I decided to deliver comments to all of them. When I did so on Eminem's, I started getting friend requests from unknown rappers. One of their profile pictures had the guy flipping its viewer off. Why the hell would I want to be your friend if you're telling me to go fuck myself? Why would I want to be your friend anyway? Are you saying "If you like Eminem, you'll love Jay-Vee?" No. You're not Eminem. You're not even Dr. Seuss. A third friend request was from a girl named Natalie who made a profile TODAY. And it was filled with about 70 Eminem fans. She requested that you AIM her at a certain name, and I checked the profile of said name and it said "oscSock version 1.2 beta". I did some research and determined that it's a code that can really screw up your messenger service. As a matter of fact, I believe I got similair looking friend requests from profiles resembling hers. You mean all those pretty blond girls DON'T want to be my friend? I prefer brunettes a tiny degree more anyway. Nothing against blondes and redheads, I'm not shallow enough to judge based on hair color.

James Gannon Trivia: The last three women I had a strong interest in were blondes who dyed their hair black.

An excerpt from Elvira's Myspace bulletin, in regards to her attending Gay Pride Events to raise awareness: "With those boys, I can't seem to raise anything else!" That's fucking GOLD. But why does there have to be gay awareness events? I'm well aware of gay people.

Today at work (the place where I'm not writing or drawing) I bumped into someone from high school (I graduated in '99). He's married now and has a government job driving a truck in the construction field. His face hasn't changed a bit, and I immediately recognized him. But he was the one who noticed me first, and I'm surprised that he could tell who I was considering I dropped about twenty-one pounds since we last saw each other. He's married, and I can tell he matured. Why do I say that? Because he treated me like ABSOLUTE SHIT in school and he was very polite this time around. If everyone else I knew from school changed like him, I may go to the High School Reunion after all.

I added a new button and page to James-Gannon.com. I originally had an About page when I first started, but pulled it because I didn't think it was needed. But then I decided that, instead of having newcomers dip into every page to find out what everything is about, I'd give them a place to start which explains everything regarding my career, my work, and the site itself. Then there's the News page, because I thought taking the news off the main page would make it look better. When devising a button for it, I wanted it to feature another one of my characters. So I chose one of the major villains from my series, Judas Champion. Judas is Callous' arch-nemesis and is going to be featured prominately in my current project, The Devil's Hand. The button depicts Judas on the front page of Idle's newspaper's Sports section. The photo's caption reads "Idle's Judas Champion Wins Karate Tourney".

Last night's Brain Age: 31
Current Brain Age: 27

And that's just the way it is...